hate guns...love bullets

• I have to face paint all day Friday at my kids' school carnival. Please excuse me for a moment while I laugh my ass off at that concept. Granted, I volunteered, but I volunteer for a lot of things. Doesn't mean I'm qualified. Now, I have skillz with the 'ol paintbrush; but we're talking more Jackson Pollack meets Salvador Dali. Should be interesting.
• My kids are back in school AND enrolled in an afterschool program which means that I am now freed from the bondage of late day babysitting and can either stay at work later or go in earlier. Both options do wonders for my serenity. Anyone with children knows that the 3:00-6:00 time slot in childcare is the witching hour.
• Lots of newcomers over at SoberMoms, which means lots of opportunities to be of service.
• Two new AA meetings have been started in my neighborhood and they are at reasonable hours. This means that I can walk to the meetings and not fear getting held at gunpoint on the way home. At least until the time changes and the nights get darker.
• I hate alcohol. Just had to put that in there.
• I have lost weight. OMG you have no idea how happy this makes me. It appeared as though every time I got on the scale at the physician's during the Toenail Fungus Experience, that my weight kept going up. WTF? But, you know, the meds for the fungus affected my liver levels and maybe that had something to do with the weight gain. Anyone? Anyone? (Bueller?)
• Someone referred to me as a vampire the other day. I was thrilled. It meant that my campaign to effectively repel the sun at all costs is working. Love it.
• Little bit of Kristin trivia: I use to love getting super stoned and then go wander the aisles of the grocery store to trip out on all the pretty colors.
• Been doing a pretty good job lately of staying in the Now.
• Have a great weekend!

a thread that can't be broken

June 10th of this year, my long deceased maternal grandfather would have been 100 years old. He was a gentle man with many talents, one of which was story telling. Most everyone in my extended family has a favorite memory of him sitting in his favorite deck chair with his pipe or cigarette, holding court with some odd tale extracted from his past. Like most of those on my mom’s side, he was funny in a way that couldn’t be bought. Hilarity was commonplace on that side of the family and I imagine, to those looking in from the outside, it was a pretty good place to be.

I don’t stay in contact with that side of the family and so was surprised when a chain of emails began circulating last month in a tribute to the life this man led. Someone unearthed vintage photos of the ‘good old days,’ scanned them into their computer, and posted them to share with the family at large. Many of the family members were far too young to remember any of the events that were depicted in these photos. They were at the mercy of the older generations to inform them of what this picture or that picture was about.

As one of the ‘older generation,’ I cringed when seeing these photos.

My memories of my family are not so rose colored and I imagine that if I polled various other members of my family, their observations would have matched mine. I was sharing with someone the other day that in every photo in those emails, alcohol was present. I can remember many of those events and can attest to the fact that many of the participants were drunk as well. The commentary that accompanied these photos was...

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5 years

5 years ago today, A. Miles of TSR closed the door on a long term crystal meth addiction and opened the door to a new life of hope-filled recovery. Half a decade into her recovery from meth, Alix has taken her experience, growth, and desire for a higher vision and has helped build a community of recovering addicts over at The Second Road. Her hard work for that incredible site should not go overlooked, and neither should this very important milestone in her recovery.

Happy anniversary, lady. You're the best.

hot dudes and electric guitars

I make no secret of my love affair with Jack White. And now, Jimmy Page, too? Give me a sec while I wipe the drool. Hot dudes and electric guitars....sweet mother...

you're invited

This is the post where I beg you to join me in the chat room at TSR on Sunday night, 8:00 PM Eastern time.

The lovely Alix of TSR beckoned and of course I said yes. So, while I will be hosting the chat, the topic is up for grabs. First person to join me in the room can choose the topic. See how agreeable I am? Must be all the serenity I have been feeling lately.

See you there.

I see little people

I might be losing my mind.

I'm 99.9 % sure that I won't survive this summer holiday.

Why do I continue to buy Popsicles when this kid asks me every 17 minutes if she can have another one?

Probably so that she can stick something in her mouth and I don't have to hear her torment her sister.

I count the minutes until their heads hit the pillow and I can disappear into my computer and talk to you all.

I think I exude a pheromone that causes them to latch on to me and only me and no one else but me.

It doesn't matter if I take them to McDonald's, the park, the donut store, mall, pool, or museum. They will still come looking for me throughout all of it.

I don't remember being this attached to my mother.

The only time they are content is when they are rolling around in the grass with Gabriella Moonlight's dogs.

With everything else going on with me right now, this is really fucking with my serenity.

Brutal honesty moment # 1: the feelings I'm experiencing right now are the ones I use to soothe with a six pack of Heineken and getting baked on the couch with a Doritos chaser.

Just sayin'.

Warm baths and chamomile tea just don't cut it sometimes.

But I'm still sober!

My serenity is shot, but I'm still sober!

Whoo hoo!

this is not a gratitude list: update

I'm tired of working on my Fourth Step.

I'm not even close to being in the mood for a Gratitude List.

In all honesty, I am restless, irritable, and discontent.

I want the kids to go back to school immediately.

I'm tired of being a stay-at-home mom.

I want a vacation all by myself in a state where no one can find me.

I want to lie in bed on that vacation and watch movies all day and not have to make a single meal.

If one more person tells me to pray about it, I might very well back-hand them.

Ugh.

Update: I met with some prospective tenants for the rental house and they were charming and intelligent. They did not ask me for Popsicles or gum or to tie their shoes. I had about 45 minutes of interesting conversation on the front porch with crystal blue skies and a slight breeze. This was enough to turn my head around and get me motivated to pack the kids up and to go buy more Popsicles and gum. In approximately 2.5 hours I will deposit the kids at church camp (don't ask) and then deposit myself at a coffee shop where I will lurk on your blogs for two hours. The day is looking up.

Steve and Anna

As promised, a bit on our visit with Steve and Anna....

Gabriella Moonlight and I met with these two bloggers on Saturday night. Steve and Anna had drove all the way from North Carolina for what was to only be a 3 hour visit. But it was 3 hours that I am grateful to have had. They are exactly how they appear on the blogs, but with added dimensions. How very one dimensional the blogs can seem, even when we're spilling out our life stories.

Anna has a calm, soothing demeanor that puts one instantly at rest. She is incredibly easy to talk to and one can see why Steve E. loves her so. Steve is as funny and outgoing in person as he appears in his writing. Seeing him sit with the other men at our local AA meeting made him look as though he had been coming around our halls for years. It was a joy to see Steve approach our fellow AA members and introduce himself and I was eager to introduce them both to some of our AA acquaintances who had heard so much about our blogger friends.

It was a pleasure to meet these two individuals and I will always remember their generosity of time and spirit in driving all this way for us.

Thank you again, Steve and Anna!

blogger humor

Two Floridians, an Oregonian, and a Californian walk into a bar.

No. WAIT!

Two Floridians, an Oregonian, and a Californian walk into a steakhouse.

(more on this later.)

Steve E. and Anna (Prayer Girl) apologize for the delay in blogging. Apparently, West Virginia is, indeed, as backwards as Gabi and I have warned them it was. After a nearly two week trek around the country, West Virginia is the only destination where they couldn't get Internet access in their hotel.

Figures.

the meeting

I met with the nursing program coordinator this morning. For about 5.2 minutes I thought she wouldn't show up. Poor Gabriella Moonlight is texting me love and encouragement and I'm responding with "Sheee's not heeeeere yeeeeet (sob sob.)" OK, maybe not that dramatic, but the insecure why-would-she-want-to-meet-with-a-drunk-like-me mentality was coming around the bend and I had to allow Gabi the opportunity to give it a smack down before I stepped out into oncoming traffic.

The kindly Dr. arrived and for the next hour and 10 minutes we proceeded to cover in detail every teensy tiny little detail that I will encounter on my quest to be an RN. What I took from this meeting was not so much a body of knowledge that will serve me in my application process (although that was definitely part of it,) but the fact that she couldn't stress to me enough,

"I know that the number of applicants is intimidating, but TRUST ME, you will not have a problem getting accepted into this program."

Um, can I kiss you now, because I'm SO loving you at this very moment.

I was able to walk away from this meeting with the confidence that my college education will account for quite a bit in my acceptance to the program and that I will not need to quit my day job and go work for the hospital in order to give myself an edge. That was a route I did not want to go down.

I am overwhelmed by this woman's generosity of time and encouragement. I'm still trying to figure out why she would go out of her way to help little 'ol me. But hey, I'll take it.

Thank you for all your encouragement. I will be back with a Friday 55 next week.